Wednesday, May 04, 2005


I just got done listening to an obsenely tone-deaf fat guy singing Led Zeppelin covers at Open Mic Night at Cheeseburger in Paradise. It's a lame Jimmy Buffett place right by where I work, brightly adorned in the finest of corporate cheesery (pun most definitely intended) with parrots, palm fronds, pastel colors, and other vaguely Floridian-themed garbage. If there is a Hell, that's where I'd be (should it come to that), paying $7 for weak drinks, and listening to "The Captain" butcher "The Battle of Evermore" like it was a retarded calf.
There's no question in my mind that I'll be back there next week, however, as I have been for the past three weeks now. I'm a glutton for punishment, and "The Captain" is too hilarious to pass up. Really. I mean, he calls himself "The Captain" for crap's sake. And his sole instrument is a mandolin (or quite possibly a ukelele) that looks as though it was bought at the bargain bin at a KB Toys. I wish he was my grandpa. Oh wait, no I don't.
How to Behave Yourself in Public, Tip #305:
Under NO circumstances is it ever, ever acceptable to clip your nails while seated in a restaurant and leave the remnants on the dang table. EVER. Seriously. If you're that bored, you need a new boyfriend. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Blonde Green Shirt Girl.


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