Thursday, September 07, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
On Barometric Pressure
Today I'm having one of my many typical existential crises which pop up from time to time like a herpes outbreak. God damn. A friend of mine blames my mood swings on barometric pressure; she says that on days when the barometric pressure is higher, peoples' brains start to tweak. All I know is that I've been on fucking edge all day. There was this inbred family of buck-tooth orangutan-looking people in front of me in line at Barnes and Noble this afternoon who spent almost $200 on Dungeons and Dragons books. Harmless, yes, and completely inconsequential to me, but these people irked me so much, I kind of seriously wanted to kill them. Violently. Involving much bloodshed. People such as this shouldn't be allowed to live. And it wasn't just the affinity for Dungeons and Dragons, it was the fact that they couldn't string together a complete sentence if there was a loaded cannon pointed at their face, it was the fact that they obviously had not bathed in probably years, it was the fact that they wore Looney Toons shirts that sucked rod even when they were popular in the mid-90's. And trucker hats. Oh, the trucker hats. Ashton Kutcher couldn't even save them.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Flying Spaghetti Monsters
Please check this website out immediately. Seriously.
I want to be this guy's new best friend. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the FSM.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
So, it's been a while--months--since I've posted any garbled ramblings on this site. Weird. I go on sporadic kicks with this thing.
I went to a wedding this weekend in Minneapolis. Well, outside Minneapolis. Actually, way outside of Minneapolis. We were deep in the grips of Suburbia, in a land where the Strip Mall reigns supreme above all else, and there wasn't a single bar to be found. Seriously. No bars. Lots of churches, though. There was a heavy influence of the Lord in all things. I felt as though I was back home in Wheaton (read: uncomfortable).
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
On Crazy Old Apes
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
On Passing Rites, Among Other Things
Um, so I bought a car yesterday. Yeah. Seriously. A new car. Holy shit. How adult. How uncharacteristic of me. How cool. Wow.
And so, another of the fabled Rites of Passage has yanked me by the ear into an all new realm of existence I never thought I'd actually arrive at. Because buying cars is something grown-ups are supposed to do. Not me. I guess I've always held that childish mentality that I'd never actually get old enough to purchase a car or a house. It's a weird feeling when you wake up on that one particular morning with not only that glimmer of desire to make such an influential purchase, but the realization that you actually have the means to do so as well. What a trip. Responsibility hangs over my head in a massive, honeyed orb with anxieties buzzing around it like flesh-eating bumble bees: was this a good decision?, am I ready for such a drastic shift of my finances in the direction of endless monthly payments?, what the fuck am I doing?, etc.
But you know what? I deserve this. Rarely do I do anything really and truly nice for myself that isn't indirectly destructive, and this is a good start. Sure, I feel as though I could vomit gloriously at the thought of the burden I've yolked myself to for the next three years, but ultimately, I think this is going to liberate me in more ways than I even know. Hopefully.
I refuse to ever grow up, but sometimes it's fun to dabble in adulthood.